THE HOLY SISTERS IN SAN JUAN: Part IVB
Sister Anna Marie continues from IVA:
“Being by myself most of the time caused me to become very shy and I did not say much to anyone. I was very afraid of the outside world. I spent much time in father’s library reading his classics. I had an imaginary girl friend named Eugenia and we played outside in the yard with the animals and plants.
“I got used to being alone. I imagined that I had nice friends and all of us would go on adventures. Father’s books were very good for making up adventures. I learned to draw pictures and sew. And the cook and gardener did allow me to help them. They were never mean to me, just not affectionate.
“Just after I turned 14 years old, Governess saw me naked one day. She noticed that I did not have any hair under my arms or over my groin. She asked about periods and I said I did not know what these are. She explained about puberty. The next day she took me to a woman’s doctor. After her exam, she told Governess that I would not be able to have children since I was infertile.
“Father came to visit me after Governess spoke to him. He told me that I was defective and no man would ever want to marry me. He said I was homely, which I had heard since I was born. I will give you to the nuns. It is a good punishment for you.
“So a novice I became. I never saw father again. The nuns were very nice to me as they were aware of my unusual upbringing. I very much enjoyed the times of prayer and readings, as it was easy for me to imagine that Virgin Mary was present. Moreover, I was given chores which did not require much contract with other people.
“I have yet to take the full vows as I am still too young. It was Sister Agnes Louise who watched over and sent me to help Sister Theresa. It was very difficult at first, but I could speak with the children and so things improved.
“But, I never felt loved by any one. I think I was damaged by my seclusion. I never learned how to love because no one loved me. I knew that Virgin Mary loved me and I loved her, but this love did not convince me that people could love me and I could love them.
“But, the Virgin Mother wanted me to know about human love and so she sent you to me, sweetheart. On the very first day we met, when you held my hand in yours, I felt my heart make a small cry and my eyes saw the beauty in the world for the very first time. I did not understand what happened, but I knew you have always been my very best friend, the man who loved me just for being me, I felt my heart beginning to glow with hope.
“And, dearest, you have shown me your endless love and it has allowed the Holy Ariel to heal my soul. I no longer mourn my past, but look forward to my future.
“So, my darling, our meeting has healed both our hearts and souls, I can love and be loved, you can love and be loved. And perhaps you are correct, that one day we shall be married and never parted. I pray for this every night.
“I will take my nightgown off. Come lie next to my tummy and I will hold you close. Let us imagine that you are a little baby inside my womb. Come, my Love, come to me.”
I moved so my rear was pressed against her pelvis and my back against her breasts. She placed her right arm around my abdomen. She kissed me on the top of my head and began softly singing an ancient song about a mother and her new baby. I fell asleep knowing that I was truly loved by Sister Anna Marie and that my heart had learned to love her.
During one of our visits to Sister Agnes Louise, Sister Anna Marie asked, “Sister, my sweet Miguel needs to touch me as much as possible. We bath together so he can bath me after I bath him. We sleep together naked and we imagine that we are really mummy and baby. I know it is innocent and not carnal.
“But, to tell you the truth, I do like to touch and hold his little naked body. Am I committing a great sin? When, I pray to the Holy Mother she only smiles at me, as if she is happy that I can love and be loved. What should I do?”
Sister Agnes Louise answered, “Anna Marie, I have already explained the eternal relationship which exists between you and Miguel. You are two gender halves of one soul-seed. The reason Miguel is pestering you is that he understands, unconsciously, that nothing may come between you two. And in his young mind, he perceives your nightgown as a hindrance. So sleep naked with him. Afer all, you two are married in heaven, now you are like mother and natural child. However, do not tell the other Sisters as they would never understand. So off with you. Remember, we have a lesson in the late morning.”
And so, dear readers, our human and spiritual relationship entered into a new dimension. I can honestly say, that to this day, I miss being able to touch and kiss her.
The lesson contained herein is a very simple one. All things which happen upon this earth are not solely material in nature. Spiritual actions cannot be held nor judged by mundane standards of behavior. What the soulless see as immorality, the angelic see as the nectar of the Holy Family being poured out onto all living creatures. I hope all of you appreciate this Teaching.
May the Light of Wisdom and the Warmth of Love come eternally into your life, in times wonderful and in times horrible, so you are never far away from the God of Your Heart and Realization. For it is up to each of us, personally, to pull and concentrate the quiddities of Divine Love forever surrounding us so each burns within our inner heart. But, more is needed. We must consciously Will to exchange our altruistic Elixir of Love with that of another resonate being. When such a miracle happens, you have found your soul-seed half and your One Love will shine within the Divine Sun in Heaven.